some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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