chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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