I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
