did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
zippers are such a cool invention
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
