i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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