apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Randomize
