first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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