I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
