He uses pillows to masturbate.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
