PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
it's like heaven, but drunker
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
