I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
