I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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