If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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