we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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