I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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