Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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