Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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