i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
