you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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