I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
