Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
