I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
We need to rekindle our bromance
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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