I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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