Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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