i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You took a bar mat shot.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I need to calm my uterus...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
