she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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