well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
