How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
