Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
