I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
