Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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