In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
