i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
