You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
