i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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