1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just gift wrapped bread.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
