dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
