weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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