i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
