he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
