Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
