alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
