Non-Jews are for practice
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
