4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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