For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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