Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
