Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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