Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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