so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
