Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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