walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
