New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
