Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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